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Sunday, 14 September 2014

PonDer~

The reason why I’m writing about myself a lot..is because I’m not a person whom people talk much about. I can describe myself such these situations. I could be famous and alone at the same time. Though they are different thing. Sometimes I feel like I have a lot of talents but feel useless at the same time. I can draw well, I can play sports, I can sing quiet well and my studies are quiet well too. What is wrong with me? What is blank? What can I do to improve myself even for just a few percentage? There are rather a lot of things that I wonder about.
Some people use their life stories to inspire others. Then as a reader, we would probably expect that the writer is an amazing person. Since when the writer became amazing? Is it just the moment before he/she writing the story? No one would ask that. We simply just being amazed by it and leave some positive replies (if you can reply). If their stories influenced greatly to us and we accept it rationally, then it is good for both writer and us. Surprisingly, at the moment, we starting to gain positive spirit to do whatever pleases us.
[Before I go any further in this writing, I want to tell that I’m not that excellent in English. This is one of my way to improve it. So, yeah..hehe]
I’m joining a theater club at my university starting from last year. When I was still a first year student. Through a year and still, I forgot about why I’m joining the club aside from merit matter. I found that the club is very interesting, full with stress, tiring and enjoyment. However, I could never bonding any deeper than this with them. It is just that I sense there is something different between me and them. Being in theater, we would probably risk our ‘aurat’ and our personality in order to produce a theater. That is a celebrity personal life nowadays. That is a part of nature in theater life. That is why I never want to be an actor. Realizing the risks that hardly bond with myself. This is me. Even I cannot change myself that easily. This is a religion matter. For me, religion is everything. It guides us in this life. It is a matter whether we want to follow or not. How strong our relationship with our own religion? It is not something that we can just take for granted. Right now, I understand why I’m different from them. We can talk normally to each other every day, get along together. But in some situations, we take different path.
    Alright, love life.
Actually, I’ve never had someone in my life. There is once, but then I realize that it was a false feeling on my behalf and quickly ending it with a break up. I don’t want to hurt her much more before it is too late. Feeling sorry for that girl until now. I always go alone everywhere and being alone for these teen age, somehow I find it not bad at all. I can walk faster in a shopping mall. I can do whatever I want. I can buy whatever I want. While other see me as a poorly lonely guy on the street. I just still don’t meet a girl that can shake my world wonderfully yet. For god sake, I’m at my early 20s. Waiting for the right moment is a better way for a guy like me. I’m not a playboy anyway. Some men would feel annoying with that sentence. Haha.. whatever.
      Currently, I’m reading the ‘Autobiography of Jack the Ripper’. An infamous killer in the early 20 century. Honestly I’m not very sure about how valid it is. Imagine this, a killer whom once succeed in hiding his identity suddenly reveal it and with ease published as a book. Is he still alive now? Why did he reveal his identity? Or at least why it can be found quiet easily? He should burn with it along with his death. Mystery is all it takes. I’ve always wonder about this case whether it is true or not. Is it just a fiction story created by white species? As a person who have interest in detective story like me, I can’t help but think about it. Curiosity.


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